“And you know the best thing about the future? It hasn’t happened yet” – Cassie Webb aka Madame Web

In 2024!, I wrote a review covering the 2024 film Madame Web in which I called the movie “a train wreck” “comically awful”, and “one of the worst directed movies I’ve ever seen.” I criticized the film’s over-the-top maximalist directing style and wrongfully believed it was “overbearing”. This review is idiotic in many different ways, and I truly apologize for that. In this article, I will go over why Madame Web is misunderstood and truly fantastic, and I WILL correct my past mistakes.

First, I would like to refute my past statement on the decision to get the writers of Morbius to write Madame Web. I made a playful and mean-spirited jab at this in my review, when in reality, hiring Burk Sharpless and Matt Sazama back is a completely sensible decision, as Morbius’s screenplay was not the problem with the film and is pretty phenomenal. People, like my past mindless self, just aren’t able to look past the lackluster direction and acting that cloud a perfectly well written film.

I had criticized the costume design, but in reality, I didn’t understand its

deeper purpose. The shirt with the words “I Eat Math for Breakfast” on it that the character of Anya Corazon wears is actually really smart if you actually think about it a little. You see you would assume that she was wearing that shirt ironically, as it is hard to imagine someone wearing a shirt with that text on it seriously. Everyone around her must view it as ironic as well, as nothing about her personality would lead you to believe that she engaged in devouring numbers, but as shown when Anya later shows that she can in fact count, you realize that her love for math that her shirt advertises is true. It is something she hides from the outside world. When wearing that shirt, she is actually expressing a true part of herself, under the disguise of irony, without letting anyone in the outside world know about her forbidden love of math. Without this costume choice, so much of the nuance of Anya Corazon would be erased.           Wow.

I also called Ezekiel Sims one of the worst movie villains of all time, which is a completely idiotic statement. I criticized how I wasn’t able to take him seriously and that he never felt menacing, but that was the point. He is a pathetic man whose motivation is that he wants to murder innocent teenage girls. He is pathetic. Therefore, he shouldn’t come off as menacing. Some criticize how most of his dialogue sounded like it was dubbed in post. To that, I say, “Shut up”. I also said that I loved him, which is very worrying. I don’t know what headspace I was in at the time to ever say that I loved a man who wanted to murder several teenagers. It was a disgusting, vile, and repulsive thing to say. Tahar Rahim should have gotten a 2025 Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination! for his portrayal of Ezekiel Sims. Kieran Culkin, who?More like Kieran Culkan’t act!! Yura Borsiov, more like Yura BOREisov, am I right?

1. Finally, I would like to refute the comments I made on this film’s acting. The acting in this movie is actually very good. It’s so good that the Golden Raspberry Awards, the awards for the worst movies of the year, didn’t even nominate Celeste O’Connor, Isabella Merced, and Sydney Sweeney for Worst Supporting Actress.

The earth turns every day, FOR A REASON. It turns so everyday we will go asleep and wake up with the clarity that comes from a night of sleeping. Every day we are given room to change, to grow, to progress, to alter ourselves, to learn from our mistakes, to turn ourselves around, to change our ways, to expand, to self-actualize, to turn a new leaf, to become a better person, to grow. That’s why we go to sleep in the first place. One morning seventeen days ago, I woke up with the realization of how incredible of a film S.J Clarkson’s Madame Web was and my life has been better ever since. I can’t wait for the sequel to Madame Web: 2 Madame 2 Web.

I would like to leave you off with my favorite inspirational and profound quote from Madame Web that I am actually using the first one as my senior quote.

“How would you know if you can climb a wall if you’ve never tried?”

Disclaimer: This is not making fun of anyone for liking Madame Web, this was purely a joke based on my personal criticisms of the film and the film’s maximalist directing style. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.