Have you ever wished that you could stop drinking water and go rogue? I’m not talking about Pepsi, or coffee, I’m talking about ‘charged lemonade!’ Well, it’s your lucky day, because Norwin has implemented a change, and it’s here to stay.
Norwin has replaced all of the water fountains in the cafeteria and throughout the school with charged lemonade. This change will be implemented immediately, so expect to see large numbers of buzzing students in the hallways as you run to the fountains.
I feel like students should stop drinking water, it’s really not good for you anyway,” physical education and anatomy teacher Mr. Mesich said. “A way healthier option is charged lemonade!”
— Phys Ed/ Anatomy teacher Mr. Brian Mesich
When looking for the charged lemonade fountain in the cafeteria, it should be right there! If you can’t see it, you probably drank too much water that day, and should make the switch to charged lemonade so you can suppress your water intake as much as you can.
Students are super excited about the change and are running through the hallways to show their excitement. Some students are so excited that they even start twitching!
“This change is actually totally amazingly fantastically dope and awesome,” junior Brent Bryner said. “My caffeine intake is through the roof! WOO-HOO!”
Teachers are noticing a significant improvement in the students’ grades as well. Students are moving so fast that they can complete all of their work in record time. If they drink enough of the charged lemonade, they can even move faster than the human eye can see. With 390 milligrams of caffeine coursing through their veins, they may even gain superpowers.
“I started shouting lasers out of my eyes by my fifth cup,” Anthony Olshanski said. “I’m pretty sure my resting heart rate is at 200 now!”
The Norwin Track and Field team is experiencing major success this season, and the coaches suspect it has something to do with the newly charged lemonade fountains. Students are running so fast that fire is created from friction, which may be becoming an issue, although they put out the fire with more charged lemonade.
Junior Niko Kelly has become a top runner in the country, breaking four minutes for a single mile, although he says that he does not remember the run occurring. He has been spotted taking his gallon jug to the charged lemonade fountains and taking a really long time to fill it up.
“I am the number one runner in the country right now,” junior Niko Kelly said. “I don’t know how that happened, but charged lemonade is my good luck charm. I drink 60 oz before every run!”
The teachers have started competing to see who can teach their lesson the fastest after drinking charged lemonade. English teacher and coach Mr. Fleckenstein currently has the record for decreasing a 13-minute lesson to a 3-minute lesson.
“I only drank like half a dozen or so before I started teaching and this is the result,” said English teacher Brian Fleckenstein. “‘Seize the day,’ is a Transcendentalist lesson Thoreau emphasizes in Walden and what better way to seize the day than save hours of time. I used to teach for hours and now a full day is taught in under an hour. Honestly, grading is much quicker too because it auto reads superfast and I grade even superfaster.”
Amazingly today’s youth is really responding.
“Yeah man, it’s like school used to be such a drag,” said senior Joe Topolosky. “Now the day goes by so fast. I’m able to only have class for a little over an hour and then send Snapchats the rest of the day.”