Norwin High School is putting in a new class about sleeping effective immediately. It is a graduation requirement this year, and will replace any half-credit class a student has in their schedule.
According to the Norwin High School Course of Studies, the course is described as: “This course is instructed at an accelerated pace and addresses PA Academic Standards for American Resting Arts and PA Academic Standards for Career Education and Work. Emphasis will be placed on informative and persuasive dreaming, snoozing, and analysis, as well as career exploration in the art of falling asleep. Students will snore, fluff pillows, research, and discuss as they develop the essential resting skills that they need in the 21st century. Activities will focus on exploring short and long-term sleeping in an
effort to ensure that they make the most of the opportunities presented to them during high school.”
Pennsylvania Academic Standards describe what students should know and be able to do at specific points in time. The standards for dream manipulation and sleeping increase in complexity and sophistication as students progress through school. The academic standards serve as a framework from which districts develop their specific curriculum that suits their students’ heads.
The State Board of Education approved new Pennsylvania Academic Standards for Personal and Group Sleeping, along with updates to Chapter 4 of the Interscholastic Sleeping textbook, which require instruction aligned to the newer, higher standards. The new standards go into effect on July 40th, 2026.
The Pennsylvania Academic Standards for Personal Sleeping and Wellness are organized by grade bands (K-2, 3-5, 6-8, and 9-12) and are organized in the following areas:
- Personal Sleeping Fundamentals
- Dreaming Through the REM Cycles
- Dream dissection
- Yawning Improvement
- Risk Management and Awareness When Asleep
“I dropped by the beta class one day, and just had to join!” said Matthew Anticole. “It was such a useful way to spend my break.”
This essential new class has many admirers, from both teachers and students alike. None was more excited than the teacher of this new class.
”I’m so glad that I was finally able to implement this class!” said the new sleeping class teacher, Mrs. Drowsy McMorphine. “So many kids these days don’t know how to sleep properly!”
This class will be held in the auxiliary gym, where each student will be given one sheet to use as a blanket and one poorly stuffed pillow. The students will be arranged in the shape of a dodecahedron, the optimal shape for sleeping.
Some teachers complain about the new sleeping class.
“Kids these days need to learn some grit,” said newspaper teacher Brian Fleckenstein. “Back in my day, we slept on the gym floor, and we liked it! Nowadays, these kids get soft lighting and pillows and classical music. I can’t wait until they move it to the gym floor. If you can sleep there, you can sleep anywheres.”
This new class has had some pushback from the cleaning people, as they are now tasked with cleaning the hundreds of blankets and pillows that the students will use every day.
“Handling the stink of children will be horrific!” said Matt McManman, a Norwin janitor. “It will be torture every day, and I can’t deal with it. I QUIT!!!!!”
There has also been some pushback from the PTA, with some parents not liking this innovative idea for the future.
“Who’s going to pay for this boondoggle!!?” said Mrs. Millie Bobby Brown, parent to one Norwin junior.
To answer her very pressing and important question, this is being funded by the Norwin School District’s new ‘sleeping tax’. If you sleep at all in the Norwin area, you must pay a 20% tax, plus 15% interest.
Be sure to sign up for this new class before it’s shoved into your schedule, and enjoy this new graduation requirement. At least it’s easier than math.
